Why you should never pay for dating app subscriptions

If you are older than like 8 (which I hope you are), you know one of the most fundamental rules of our world: How money works - you pay for stuff and you get stuff in return. And as long as the maker of the stuff makes the stuff for less than what you paid, they make money too. So you got what you wanted (the stuff) and the stuff-maker got what they wanted (the money).

And if a stuff-maker makes good stuff, you keep coming back for that stuff getting more of what you wanted (the stuff) and giving them more of what they wanted (the money). Win win, happy world, end of story.

Except for, it isn’t. Sometimes, it’s not so simple. Sometimes, the stuff-makers are smart people who don’t have to worry much about how happy you get because they figure out ways to keep you coming back for more. Dating apps have kind of historically fallen in this arena.

How?

What do you want on a dating app → depending on where you are in life - a date (and as worst-online-dater repeatedly points out, hot make-out sessions), or a partner for life (with hopefully life-long hot make-out sessions).

What does the dating app want from you → money, of course.

And this is exactly where things get a bit messy. Let’s deep dive.

In the short term, the dating app company wants you to sign up, create a flashy profile, swipe religiously every day, pay them money when you have swiped enough and repeat.

Do you see it? No? Let’s try to join the dots:

1. The dating app company wants your money

2. You aren’t gonna pay a lot of money in one go (hence subscriptions)

Now let’s try to add 1 and 1, and we get dating app companies that want you to stay on the app because the day you leave (happily or otherwise), they aren’t getting paid anymore. And of course they don’t want that.

Subscription is a great model for companies that have recurring value to provide to us. Think Netflix - we pay them every month because we are gonna want to get entertained every month, and they can deliver by adding new content. So a subscription model is a win-win here. But in case of dating apps, there are two kinds of users:

1. The ones seeking hook-ups: They want recurring value, since you pretty much wanna move on post one hook-up. But let’s face it, the people actually getting the hook-ups are either the most attractive men or women. And neither pays for dating apps. The ones who pay are the lesser attractive men (by the dating app’s definition by the way) who aren’t getting those hook-ups in the first place.

2. The ones seeking long-term relationships: Ideally, they want a once-in-a-lifetime value. I mean, technically everybody who wants to get into a serious relationship wants to do it just once in a lifetime. So again a case of classic mismatch → you’re having to pay recurrently for value that you would derive just once (finding your partner). Here’s an analogy to further drive the point home:

Entity	A House	A Partner
Frequency of getting one	Once-in-a-lifetime for most people	Once-in-a-lifetime for most people
Value is derived	Lifelong	Lifelong
Finding one without a professional is	Hard	Hard
Professional that helps you find one	A broker	A dating app
How the Professional makes money	One-time, transactional	Over multiple-months!!!
When the Professional makes money	Upon a successful purchase	Regardless of your success!!!

Do you see the absurdity here? Imagine having to pay the broker for your house every month for months altogether regardless of whether you find a house! Sounds absurd? But so many of you are already doing the same thing on dating apps without even realising it!

But, but, if dating apps suck for most, why does everyone I know is on dating apps?

Remember the point I mentioned around how some stuff-builders are smart and don’t have to worry much about their users. That is another way of saying that short term interest of shareholders is not necessarily aligned with the short term interest of consumers.

How? There’s a beautiful little thing called Network effects. Wikipedia defines it as such

Network effects: In economics, a network effect is the phenomenon by which the value or utility a user derives from a good or service depends on the number of users of compatible products.

In simpler words, it means that Instagram would be trash for you if every one you know / admire isn’t there on Instagram, and the true value of the platform is its users. Or how everyone buys on Amazon because that’s where all the items are and all the items are available on Amazon because that’s where all the buyers are. Kind of self-fulfilling.

Pretty much the same thing applies to a dating app. All men go where all the women are and all women go where the men are. And that is the reason why everyone signs up on a dating app; because that’s where everyone else is, regardless of how happy they are. We’re all just kind of…stuck.

Woah! How do we break free? I don't want my parents to find me someone 🤢

Turns out, we can break free. While a lot of people are now gravitating towards offline dating including those orchestrated by meet-up platforms and singles mixers, offline has its limitations. I mean, imagine the awkwardness of the situation wherein you have to hit on someone you have just met. Boy if most people were that good at hitting on strangers, they wouldn’t need an organised meet-up in the first place.

Jokes apart, given the power of the internet, just because the current solutions suck, doesn’t mean we should revert to stone age. Things can, and will, get better. This is why we are building Sunday, a relationship app that will never make money via subscriptions because you want to get off a dating app as soon as possible, and we don’t want to incentivise ourselves to keep you on the app for longer by charging via monthly subscriptions.

In the meantime, if you are still paying for a dating app subscription, for the love of God please stop. Your money is helping sustain a platform that’s letting some guitar-dude get laid tonight! 🥲