The obscure norm of love.

Norm, by definition, is “a situation or type of behaviour that is expected and considered to be typical”.

Put simply, if you or people around you do something frequently to the point that it becomes expected of you to behave that way, then it is a norm. If half the population likes having mangoes in summer, then having mangoes in summer is the norm. Similarly, if most Delhi residents like fighting on the road upon any minor accident, then it is the norm.

Yet, there exists a category of norm that is not just obscure, but elusive to most people we meet in our daily lives.

It is none other than Love.

Preponderance of Love.

From childhood to adulthood, we’re bombarded with stories of love through books, movies, shows, and folk tales.

Not just humans, but even the gods aren’t insulated from this biochemical reaction.

The story of Shiv Parvati is often cited as the epitome of divine love, while that of Radha Krishna is depicted in numerous plays, songs, and poems for its various facets.

Ask a kid why Lord Ram went to Lanka, and they’d promptly tell you “To bring back his love, Sita”.

Back in the world of us mortals, love is more important than life itself.

If you die for love (or in love), your lore will inspire generations to come.

The stories of Heer Ranjha and Soni Mahiwal are nothing but proof of that.

Given its importance in almost all cultures across the globe, love is nothing short of a norm.

A norm that is practiced through rituals consisting of various gestures; from holding hands to giving flowers, from proposing on knees to simply caressing the hair.

But look around, and you’ll realise how most people actively looking for love aren’t able to find love, and this norm is pushed to obscurity.

Quite oxymoronic, right?

Why is it hard to find love?

The dichotomy between love being a norm, yet its absence from the lives of most can only be explained by misaligned situations and efforts.

Most people either look for love in the wrong places, or look for it the wrong way. Worse, some might not even look for it and simply wait for it.

When women in a US college were asked how important marriage is for them, 88% of them responded with “very important”. But around 99% of those women believed that the right man would appear in their life at an appropriate time and took minimal effort to find them.

If you do try to find love, there aren’t many options except to make a profile on Dating Apps and filter through the hordes of people not there for love.

A Forbes study found that around 79% of Gen Z report Dating App burnout, with the failure to find a good connection being the top reason for that.

Speaking frankly, it is not the fault of people that love remains an idea they perpetually aspire for.

On one hand, Dating Apps are driven by profit motive to keep you looking for love, on the other, offline channels designed specifically to find love are absent and one has to hope that love would come organically while buying groceries.

As people continue to build their professional or academic life, the deprivation of love only gets stark and they often end up visiting a marriage bureau for the lack of a better option.

So, is love an “obscure norm”?

Love remains a norm that’s kept aloof from you, visible all the time, but hard to touch.

Exactly like the moon.

You admire it each night glowing beautifully in the dark sky, but it remains an object of admiration.

But history has taught us that those who aspire have touched the moon. Similarly, those who are determined to find love shall find it.

So, no.

Love is not an obscure norm by default, but the systems in place ensure that those who are able to find love in their journey are anomalies.